Sunday, August 26, 2012

Happy 6 Birthday Laila

My baby girl turned 6 years old!! We had a little "Fairy Princess" party for her. She is such a girly girl.
Time flies. I mean it seems just yesterday she was this little chubby baby!
We had a princess party full of barbies, the color pink, baby dolls, and all things girl!
She is my little princess. I love having a girl and boy. You get the best of both worlds!
"Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday to you, "
"Before you were conceived I wanted you,  Before you were born I loved you,  Before you were here an hour I would give my life for you, This is the miracle of life. ~ Maureen Hawkins"

I love you my baby girl. You are a spunky, feisty little spit fire but I adore you and love you, always. I love your little girly ways, your sense of humor (oh it kills me sometimes!) I love you baby girl. You are a strong willed, determined little girl. I know you will get far in life. You are mommies little Lu Lu and I am so thankful God trusted me to be your mommy. What an honor. I love you sweet girl forever and ever. You will always be my "baby Lu Lu"

Sunday, August 19, 2012

New school... New emotions

The kids started at new school this year. New school, new friends, new teachers, new school uniforms, and new emotions and boy-oh-boy did we have emotions!!
Day 1 was very upsetting to Devan but not Laila. After begging and pleading me not to send him to school I called trusty ole Grandpa to the rescue for some pep talk and words of encouragement.
Grandpa came and calmed Devan down and gave him a pep talk. Grandpa is good with encouraging words.

Day 2 was a little better. Better as in it only took me about 45 minutes of trying to get them ready to leave before we ACTUALLY left the house.  Devan still wasn't happy. Laila I think realized the use of her Barbie lunch box wasn't as fun as she thought on the first day of school. LOL

Day 3 was smiles! Although they Devan still said he "hates" wearing these clothes. But, we made it out the door 30 minutes after I woke them up....2 hours after I have been awake.

Well, at least it was only a 3 day week. Hopefully this week will better.  I can only pray and be assured that it will get better as the weeks go by.

Be assured, if you walk with Him and look to Him, and expect help from Him, He will never fail you.

Isaiah 41:10 fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand

Sunday, August 5, 2012

Happy 9th Birthday Devan

It was 9 years ago. Seems so long ago but yet so close. I miss 9 years ago. I miss my baby boy being a baby. I miss my Granny calling and asking how his birthday went. I miss a lot. I miss how time changes.

My sweet, wonderful, caring, funny, and handsome son was born 9 years ago today. 

A few weeks prior I had went to my OB Dr and he said my blood pressure was high and that he was going to put me on bed rest and induce my labor on August 5th. He says he needed me to make it to 39 weeks and was putting me on strict bed rest. Ugh I thought!!  The labor and delivery ward would call me when they were ready on that day but until then I was on strict bed rest and see him once a week.

The day comes...August 5. I call the hospital and the nurse tells me they have my name and info and right now they didn't have a bed but would call me by lunch time.
I am at mama and daddy's house and mom and I are just hanging out and we decide to take a nap right and after we lay down she calls!!   Mom and I head up there and I get checked into the hospital, its about 12:00 by now. The nurse comes in a checks me, she says with a concerned look on her face am I in pain. I said no. Well, I was 6cm dilated and my baby boy was born an hour later!

Seems like yesterday that I held a little 5lb 14oz baby. Seems like yesterday that I was awake every 3 hours to feed him. The middle of the night moments when the house was quiet and I was giving him his bottle was the sweetest.  He had (has) the biggest "doe" eyes. It makes my heart melt. I miss those days so much. He's a mama's boy and I like it that way. I tell him all the time I am the only women (besides his grandma of  that will never hurt him. The only women that he can always turn too.
He is my heart. He is my baby. Forever. No matter how old.
I was in love the minute I held you. I would give my life the minute I saw you. I thank God everyday he chose me to be your mommy. I am the lucky one. I am the one you get to call mom. I love you Devan everyday for the rest of my life. Happy Birthday baby.
We all love you so much. You are grandpa's little buddy!

You are grandma's "baby" 

Aunt Stephanie and Uncle DeeJay at your party!

Batman Party and a water balloon was the best day!

Before you know it, I'll be sitting here a year from now amazed how he will be turning 10. Oh my....I cant even think of it now. My heart cant take it!

Saturday, November 12, 2011

God is still God

Time just gets away from me it seems. I try to write here when I can. It obviously hasn't been in a long time. Time. There is alot I can say about time. I do not have enough time in the day. Where does all my time go. OHHHH the list could go on and on.
The days are getting shorter. It is dark by the time I get home from work. It feels so late by the time I get home and start dinner and help the kids with homework and baths and bedtime. It feels like midnight outside! It is actually about 9:30 by the time all this is finished. =/
I feel overwhelmed and anxious. Exhausted and drained. I wonder how many hours until my alarm will actually goes off. UGH.
I am struggling with this time of year. There are many things going on in my life that I want to call my Granny about. I need to talk to her. I need her to tell me "baby it is okay" I think of her everyday. I cry about her everyday. I miss her everyday. My life has changed from her death and it affects me everyday.
Laila is having emotional problems and medical issues. She is having behavior problems in school and I get calls at least once a week from school. She is doing great academically though. She is seeing a therapist and a specialist so hopefully one day all this will be a bad dream. I love her so much. She acts so sweet and then sometimes it is like I don't even know her!
Devan, my baby, he is so sweet. He on a recent Saturday morning while I was cooking breakfast took it upon himself to sweep and mop the kitchen floor, load and unload the dishwasher and ask if there was anything else he could do. HE WILL MAKE A WOMAN HAPPY ONE DAY. I can tell you now there is not a woman good enough for him. He is my little friend and such a great helper around the house, which I don't expect or ask of him!
This Thanksgiving of 2011 is going to be hard. The family is all coming together for the first time since my Granny's death. It is the first time she will not be there. I am struggling with this. I am missing her and it is getting around the time of year where everything started to unravel.
There isn't a day that goes by that her name isn't mentioned in my house. Laila will say "I am pinkey promising to Granny that I will have a good day today at school", Devan will say " I bet Granny will tell Jesus that there isn't enough salt on the turkey at Thanksgiving!" It makes my heart melt. It makes my eyes tear up. It saddeneds me deeply.
I am very close to my mom and dad. I trust them. I confined in them. I could not imagine them gone. What would I do? Who would I lean on? Who would I talk to? I would feel lost. I would feel abandoned.
I know for me the death of my Granny has brought me closer to Jesus. I need to be where my Granny is. I need to be where I know my parents WILL be when their time comes. I need to let my children KNOW Jesus.
I heard a song the other day...the words brought tears to my eyes. I have had a stressful few days and feel that this song I have heard at the right time. I have listened to this on You Tube for days. I. LOVE. IT. The chorus is:
we've all been lost and we've all been hurt
Where our hope is spent and our faith don't work
But nothing lasts forever
The only thing that matters
Is God is still God and He holds it together

Sunday, August 28, 2011

Happy 5th Birthday Laila

Happy Birthday to my baby girl! We had a little party and a great time! Laila received tons of babies and barbies for her birthday and she was so happy.

Dear Laila,
I love you so much. You are a sweet and loving little girl. Your determination and strong-willed attitude will get you far in life. I can not imagine my life without you in it. I love your funny little sayings and your sweet and sassy humor. I love how I can tell how you feel just from the look of your eyes. Granny always said you had such expression with your eyes from the minute you came home from the hospital !!

You have had a big week this past week...the start of kindergarten and your birthday in the same week!

I love you baby. I love you dearly and wish you the best birthday ever. You will always be "Baby Lu Lu"

Monday, August 22, 2011

First Day of School

Today my babies started school. Laila went to Kindergarten and Devan is in 2nd grade! I was so emotional this morning!

Devan said he was nervous. Laila said she want to know her friends in her class. She checked, double checked, and triple checked that I would be there to pick her up. (Just today-after that they will ride the daycare van)

I cried as I pulled out of the parking lot of school. I cried because my baby is in kindergarten. I cried because my baby is in 2nd grade and gave me the biggest hug when I left his classroom. I cried because I miss my Granny on this important day. I would have in the past called and told her how the "drop off" went as I have done every year since Devan was in Kindergarten. It is an adjustment that I am not taking easy. There are so many first this month that she isn't here for.

Here is Devan and Laila after eating a yummy breakfast before leaving for the big day!

Laila ready to go. First day of Kindergarten, age 4

Walking up to the school.

Outside the school
A whole new world has happened today.... 2 kids in school and 2 kids with homework, Cheaper daycare (before and after school!)
I miss my "babies" already!

Saturday, August 20, 2011


I feel overwhelmed. My baby starts kindergarten on Monday. I'm sad. I know (hope) she will be okay. I will be taking Devan and Laila to school and picking them up on Monday. ( I took the whole day off) I am going to take lots of pictures. I can't believe my baby girl is going to be in school. It seems like yesterday I was bringing her home. She will be 4 still when schools starts and there are children in her class that turn 6 a week later! So, she is a YOUNG kindergartner as her birthday isnt until a few days after school starts. Pics to come on Monday after I wipe my, i mean, her eyes! =(

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

My Granny... with Jesus for 6 months

I must admit i was going to write this yesterday but i had a horrible day. It really hit me hard yesterday when I woke up. I cried in the shower. I cried on the way to work. I cried at work. I cried at home. I cried before bed. Needless to say, I cried a lot!

I miss my granny so bad. Her death has impacted me so much in so many ways. It was hard yesterday. She has been gone half-of-one year. I don't want time to go forward because it is longer since the time I last spoke to her. She was my friend. I am having a hard time dealing with her death. I can't seem to grasp it. I want her here with me. This is a really hard month due to the fact that Devan and Laila both have birthdays and Laila starts kindergarten. I always call and tell granny how the day went. I tell her the minute I drop them off.

I have always loved this poem and is the last few months I have read it over and over. It is one of my favorites!

One night a man had a dream. He dreamed He was walking along the beach with the LORD. Across the sky flashed scenes from His life. For each scene He noticed two sets of footprints in the sand. One belonging to Him and the other to the LORD.

When the last scene of His life flashed before Him, he looked back at the footprints in the sand. He noticed that many times along the path of His life there was only one set of footprints. He also noticed that it happened at the very lowest and saddest times of His life.

This really bothered Him and He questioned the LORD about it. LORD you said that once I decided to follow you, you'd walk with me all the way. But I have noticed that during the most troublesome times in my life there is only one set of footprints. I don't understand why when I needed you most you would leave me.

The LORD replied, my precious, precious child, I Love you and I would never leave you! During your times of trial and suffering when you see only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you.

Sends chills day my spine when I read it.