God is still God

Time just gets away from me it seems. I try to write here when I can. It obviously hasn't been in a long time. Time. There is alot I can say about time. I do not have enough time in the day. Where does all my time go. OHHHH the list could go on and on.

The days are getting shorter. It is dark by the time I get home from work. It feels so late by the time I get home and start dinner and help the kids with homework and baths and bedtime. It feels like midnight outside! It is actually about 9:30 by the time all this is finished. =/

I feel overwhelmed and anxious. Exhausted and drained. I wonder how many hours until my alarm will actually goes off. UGH.

I am struggling with this time of year. There are many things going on in my life that I want to call my Granny about. I need to talk to her. I need her to tell me "baby it is okay" I think of her everyday. I cry about her everyday. I miss her everyday. My life has changed from her death and it affects me everyday.

Laila is having emotional problems and medical issues. She is having behavior problems in school and I get calls at least once a week from school. She is doing great academically though. She is seeing a therapist and a specialist so hopefully one day all this will be a bad dream. I love her so much. She acts so sweet and then sometimes it is like I don't even know her!

 

 

Devan, my baby, he is so sweet. He on a recent Saturday morning while I was cooking breakfast took it upon himself to sweep and mop the kitchen floor, load and unload the dishwasher and ask if there was anything else he could do. HE WILL MAKE A WOMAN HAPPY ONE DAY. I can tell you now there is not a woman good enough for him. He is my little friend and such a great helper around the house, which I don't expect or ask of him!

This Thanksgiving of 2011 is going to be hard. The family is all coming together for the first time since my Granny's death. It is the first time she will not be there. I am struggling with this. I am missing her and it is getting around the time of year where everything started to unravel.

There isn't a day that goes by that her name isn't mentioned in my house. Laila will say "I am pinkey promising to Granny that I will have a good day today at school", Devan will say " I bet Granny will tell Jesus that there isn't enough salt on the turkey at Thanksgiving!" It makes my heart melt. It makes my eyes tear up. It saddeneds me deeply.

I am very close to my mom and dad. I trust them. I confined in them. I could not imagine them gone. What would I do? Who would I lean on? Who would I talk to? I would feel lost. I would feel abandoned.

I know for me the death of my Granny has brought me closer to Jesus. I need to be where my Granny is. I need to be where I know my parents WILL be when their time comes. I need to let my children KNOW Jesus.

I heard a song the other day...the words brought tears to my eyes. I have had a stressful few days and feel that this song I have heard at the right time. I have listened to this on You Tube for days. I. LOVE. IT. The chorus is:

we've all been lost and we've all been hurt

Where our hope is spent and our faith don't work

But nothing lasts forever

The only thing that matters

Is God is still God and He holds it together