2 weeks, 5 days, 6 hours and 44 minutes

but whose counting.....


That's how long it has been since my granny passed away. It has been an emotional roller coaster to say the least.

They say time will make it easier. Does it though? Because for me, time is making it harder. Harder because I have never gone this long without talking to her. I feel I need to call her. I need to tell her about Devan's first baseball practice... about Devan getting strep throat..again! Laila needing to sign up for kindergarten in a couple weeks. Laila's week at daycare...

I miss her. I miss talking to her about life. I miss hearing her voice. I miss talking about Law and order, Lifetime shows, what book she is reading....I miss holding her hand and hearing her tell me "I love you" I miss knowing that she is just a phone call away to ease my worries. I miss her more and more everyday. I know that God needed her more than me. She is in no more pain.

It is selfish for me to want her here. To want her here so my own grief and hurt could be spared. She would not want be in pain, hurting, and dependent on others for her every need. My granny was a very independent person and never wanted to depend upon other people to help her.

I read at my Granny's funeral, which was difficult but very rewarding. I know the women she was. I know the relationship we had. I know what I meant to her and what she meant to me. I want to post what I read....

Louise Ashley Warner (aka Granny)

Jan 17, 1930-Feb 15, 2011

Wife, sister, mama,
mother-in-law, and friend. Grandmother and Great-Grandmother. She had many
names. To me she was my granny.

My granny was more to me
than my grandmother she was my best friend.

I hold close to my heart
stories we would share while chatting on the phone for hours or as I would curl
up to her in her bed,.

We would laugh, talk, cry,
and pray together. She had unconditional love for me and made me feel
emotionally safe and secure.

One of my fondest memories
was spending the night with my granny and papa every Friday night. Granny would
let us stay up all night if we wanted to drinking coke and eating potato chips
and tootsie rolls. Come Saturday morning we would wake up early and Papa would
take us to get donuts. Granny and I would always get the same...Lemon
filled.

Granny would let us pull all
her shoes out of her closet. She loved shoes. We would dance around in her 3 inch
heels. My favorite were the purple ones.

Granny always put the needs
of others before her own. I would call her and she would say, "Hey darling, Are
you okay? Ya need anything?"

We would watch Law and Order
marathons and try to figure out who the bad guy was and guess how it would end.
We would paint each other nails and she would be very particular of the steps
you need to take.
She was my "safe place", my friend, my granny. I
loved her more than words and my heart is broken for what I miss. But i am
thankful for having her as my grandmother and my friend.
I know she is
watching over me from heaven as God has given her a new name....an angel.